Priority Interrupt by Steve Ciarcia Automobiles by Microsoft?

I never thought I'd say this, but enough is enough. Feature creep in every communication device, computing gadget, and entertainment contraption has made them overly complicated to use. I'll admit that it used to be a badge of distinction when I claimed to be one of those guys who couldn't program the VCR. In truth, it was partly because we have six VCRs, all different brands, and none program the same way, but it was mostly because I was too lazy to deal with all of the instructions. I don't see myself getting better either.

What got me thinking about all of this was an e-mail from an Italian reader who translated an article from the auto section of a respected Bologna newspaper. Essentially, the article lamented that car manufacturers were creating their new design offerings via enhanced electronics rather than better engineering. Having apparently not learned their lesson from the disastrous response to talking cars (remember "the door is ajar"), feature competition among car manufactures is as fierce as ever. However, instead of physically engineering new models, "new design" now means the application of electronics to virtually everything. Certainly electronics has made cars safer, but if I understand the article correctly, it contends that when the software guys take over car design, somehow we trade true engineering advancement for feature enhancements. They also might not know when to stop. In short, electronics can continually increase the reaction time and response of vehicle brakes-right up to the point when a catastrophic event demonstrates that the brake disk is really just too small.

Ordinarily, I wouldn't get excited by all of this hype, but it's starting to hit a little too close to home. As a car buff, I've always respected good engineering and I've paid the price to drive it. When somebody tells me that my next car is going to look like something from Microsoft, I go berserk! OK, for the most part I hide out in a cellar but occasionally I do venture out. I drive a BMW 740iL. In fact, I like them so much (I've owned six) that I even placed an order, sight and specs unseen, for the new BMW 745i almost a year ago. After all, it's a BMW. What could they do to it but make it better? At this point I have to qualify everything else I say as the rantings of a car buff displaced by software enhancements and feature creep. This is an emotional issue because I love cars and because I'm an engineer. Currently, there are no test cars available in my area, so I have no concrete proof for any of my claims. It's just that from the early reports, I have this awful feeling that the car I love has become a computer nightmare. Worse yet, even if all of the enhancements really work, I can't help but visualize the trunk completely filled with instruction manuals necessary to operate the thing. And you already know how I feel about instructions.

Admittedly radical in design, the 745i has a more powerful engine and the only production six-speed automatic transmission on the market. At 0 to 60 mph in 5.8 s, that's the car I ordered! What I didn't count on was the car having more computers than a NASA shuttle. To control some 700 functions for communication, GPS, climate, and entertainment, the designers removed the stick shift and replaced it with a big rotary knob so you can menu-control everything on a video screen (when you're not using the voice recognition system, that is). I can't wait for the cell phone police to catch some guy weaving all over the road while trying to tune a radio station on his iDrive! And finally, something all of you will closely identify with: think about coordinating all of the embedded controllers. This car has no less than 123 electric motors in it; there are 38 fans just in the two front seats! Heaven forbid you blow a fuse.

As I said, it's an emotional issue and maybe I'm getting too old. It used to be that I'd get in my car and turn the key. Yes, I studied the owner's manual for the 30 minutes it took to set all of the necessary defaults, but then the negotiation ended. I was in control and the vehicle dynamics would remain the same until I changed them. Unless I'm overreacting to the handwriting on the wall, I see cars evolving into computers with engines. Daily or weekly your car will link through the Internet into a maintenance system to upload the latest anti-virus software, engine control tweaks, trip and map resources, entertainment, movie, and game files, and lots more. Just like the computer you have on your desk today, you'll know less and less about what really makes it tick and it will become just one more appliance. I understand the necessity for technical evolution and I want to be wrong about my fears. Most of all, however, I want them to stop messing with the world's best driving machine, especially when it's mine!

steve.ciarcia@circuitcellar.com

Published: March-2002